Jackson Holbert
My Field Trip to the Animal Shelter
We are on a field trip to the animal shelter
but we still have to do the pledge of allegiance
so they put up a little flag in the dog part of the animal shelter
and we all put our hands over our hearts but the dogs
are facing away from the flag. In every
single one of our heads big expensive jets
are flying in the sky, and in some people’s heads
there are B-2 Spirit Bombers flying too but
that is a stealth plane and how are you supposed to know
if a stealth plane is above you. Stealth planes can fly
over 80000 feet high that is 2.5 times
Mt. Everest. My history teacher tried
to climb Mt. Everest he took a lot of time off
from school to do it but he died and they can’t
even bring his body back. And get this—his wife
substituted for him, and she didn’t even miss
a day when he died. Sounds fishy, right? It wasn’t,
do you know why? Because it wasn’t his wife.
The woman was lying about being his wife
and the man never went to any of the school’s
social functions so no one knew
what his wife looked like his wife could have been
the president for all we know but I know that she
is not the president because I was in the class and she looks
a bit like the president and I asked her Mrs. Stevenson
are you the president and she said of course
I’m not the president why would the secret service let me
out of their sight and I said you talk like a president
and she said just wait Jenny when you grow up you’ll learn
that everyone talks like the president and I said
how does that make sense and she said well
when we’re dead we’re all the president and I said
that doesn’t make any sense isn’t god the president
when we’re dead and she said no god is the prime minister
and he does hold all of the power the presidency
of heaven is a purely ceremonial title that everyone holds
and I said Mrs. Stevenson are you an angel you
talk like an angel and she said no way I’m Mrs. Stevenson,
I grew up in rural Illinois would an angel grow up
in rural Illinois and I said didn’t President Lincoln
grow up in rural Illinois and she said Yes and I said
Mrs. Stevenson I don’t think you are an angel anymore I think
you are President Lincoln when I said this I saw a slight terror
cross her face like a train that is going super fast. She said
I don’t have a beard and I said beards can be shaved and she said
I’m not dead and I said I didn’t see Lincoln die he could
still be alive for all I know and she said ok you got me and
I called the police and they put her in jail because
having two presidents is illegal that’s how countries fall
one day you have one president and the sunshine smells
totally normal and then the next day you have two presidents
and the sunshine smells like smoke and the planes
are flying over people’s heads for real and the radio is yelling
and children like me are hiding in underground bunkers while the adults
are killing each other above us. But what they don’t get is
that that won’t help. They don’t understand that
all they are doing is making more presidents.