Levina Storåkern
from Fantasies I-X
Translated from the Swedish by Ursula Carroll
Fantasy V
And then I want a soft black dress with long sleeves and a short skirt. And then I want to have lots of different expensive creams in my bathroom; one for night and one for day, and creams for other times too. And then I want to buy a de- humidifier on the internet. And after that I will change every password—and I will write the new ones in a thin notebook with a flexible snakeskin cover. And then I will stop being a vegetarian; eat pickles dipped in smoked liver pâté. And I will start laying on my back when I sleep—almost completely symmetrical. And before that someone else will brush my teeth for me.
Fantasy VI
I will go to the sun on the other side of the highway to be slender there and when I get home again I will face my bed in the other direction, bury the little piece of his ring finger under the roots of the tomato plant that doesn’t want to fruit and pray that someone promises that the burner can be set to six without starting a fire.
Fantasy VII
And I will have a stucco ceiling, painted white. And I will lay on the hardwood floor—look up at the angels’ behinds—hold my own hand.
Everything will be made of marzipan and dust has never existed.
Fantasy VIII
And I will have a wall of pain built like a bookshelf with small drawers for small jars filled with white powder—like bone dust from kneecaps I have placed with convex sides facing up in grandma’s mortar and pestle.
Fantasy IX
I will read:
One hand covers the shadow of another.
Kneecaps balance in stacked towers.
Two monuments to hazelworms’ tails
lap marble drops out of the gold-edged horn.
And a funeral feast will be served on my veranda after the ceremony. And from inside my house comes the smell of the sun on hardwoods and fresh baked bread. I will be easy to be around; it will be something people say about me when I am not there; that I am nice. And then I want a regular period and smooth skin— always—all my hair the same length.
Fantasy X
And I will never leave myself alone again.
Levina Storåkern is a Swedish musician and writer working in Norway. She has released music with Ævestaden, Diket, and solo projects.
Ursula Carroll is a writer and translator in St. Louis. She spends a lot of time taking pictures of vanity license plates.